This might be the worst article in this site’s storied history of bad articles. Just a warning.
World War II had many great stories, from heroic, to depressing, and everything in-between. Not unlike a season of Wombat baseball. I wondered to myself, if each Wombat team was a nation during WWII, which one would they be? I realize this is dumb, most of it is a stretch, but really, this just gave me an excuse to compare Jon to Mussolini and let me photoshop a Canadian Mountie green. Onto the comparisons…
Megalomaniacs: Germany
Okay, stop. I’m NOT comparing Dean to Hitler or the Nazi’s. That’s insane, offensive, and more. Note how I didn’t even bother doing a photoshop image for this, because there’s no way you can really do that in a comical way. So, with that out of the way, let’s just say that the Nazis had unparalleled success in being the European winner in the war, at least early on. They steamrolled over their rivals, and are widely considered to be the villains of WWII. The Megas meanwhile have steamrolled rivals, had unparalleled success, and are most definitely the villains of the league.
Also note – I really wanted to make an 0-2 joke about the Megas this year and Hitler’s final days, but that’s too offensive also. Instead, let’s just laugh nervously at the Megas being off to a bad start for the first time, well, ever.
Baseball Furies: Poland
Poland was absolutely wrecked by Germany (Megas) in WWII, only to be taken advantage of by the U.S.S.R. (Cold Notes). Despite its loses, the country always fought hard – they’re infamous for sending cavalry into battle against Panzers, a fight that while noble, was bound not to end well. The best comparison I can make here is Mike going up against a stacked division while falling in love with guys like Danny Valencia.
Pez Sox: United Kingdom
The U.K. had a proud tradition, with many great generals and admirals (Halladay, Guerrero, etc), but found themselves on the brink of destruction in the early 1940’s, due to German advances. Beaten down again and again by them, it was only late in the war when the tide changed. I’m sure Nick likes to think his tide changed in a week 1 win against the Germans, er, Megas. It’s yet to be seen if that is a battle that will help win the war, or a fluke, in another lost season to Mega dominance.
Cold Notes: U.S.S.R.
Comrade Covington is the only one who can really take on the Megas each year in that division, just like Russia was the only European nation who could really take on the Germans. It was really the two fronts that defeated the German war machine, with the Russians coming from one end, and the UK/US coming from the other – what we learn here is we all need to team up to take down the Megas. Let history be our guide.
Ham Sandwiches: Canada
Good old Canada. Mostly harmless, but will fight, and fight hard. With their accents they can sometimes sound a little dumb or off, which probably describes me pretty well. My Canadian heritage seals the deal here.
Kingslayers: Italy
While I was concerned about writing this article due to the sensitive nature of making light of war, I really didn’t pause at all when I thought to myself that Jon is Mussolini. An Italian dictator, who wants to be just like big bad Germany, but never gets there. He would eventually be hung in the streets. Jon’s demise may not be so dramatic, but his undoing in the AWL will be just as satisfying.
Cosmos: Switzerland
One of the few truly neutral countries in Europe during WWII, the Swiss sat on the sidelines of the war, letting the others duke it out. Were they planning something though? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.
Kev Bombs: Japan
Once again, no photoshop here. You go ahead and google “Japanese WWII propaganda” and see what comes up. Christ almighty. Anyway, Japan had an uneasy alliance with the Germans in WWII, making trade deals, but never really trusting one another. They had some great victories in east Asia during the war, before the US ended their Imperial government for good. If those great victories are Kev’s two rings, who will be the one to finally stop him?
I'd move on to the NWL, but this article is ridiculous enough, so we'll end here. I'm sorry.